Example Case #1: "Jackie"
(The following is not based on any of my real cases. It is an example of how I use my skills.)
SKILL: Anger skills. First, she learned to rate herself on an anger scale by noticing her body tension. When the tension rose, she would take a break and ‘feel,’ and safely express her anger. The unexpected twist came when her husband sabotaged her progress by refusing to allow her the alone time to do her work. He ‘needed’ her to be out-of-control so he could be the virtuous self-sacrificing one in the relationship and be praised by his family for putting up with her. The more she progressed, the more upset he became.
Jackie assured him he had many other values in the relationship and kept inviting him to be with her. Over time, he stopped the sabotage. That seems good enough and some people would stop there. For Jackie, she wanted the source of her anger resolved. Her parents had been very abusive to her, both verbally and physically. We took one incident at a time and used Inner Child Dialogue, trance work and Alchemical Hypnotherapy to resolve them.
At five years old her father sat her in a chair within a large bus station and left. He retreated to the bar next door to drink for three hours. Jackie was lonely and terrified. During hypnosis, we talked to that child memory, picked up that five-year-old and took her out of the bus station. The adult Jackie walked over to the bar and confronted the father. She told him that she was now the parent of this child, not him. Then, she brought the child to a ‘safe house’ where she could talk to her daily.
Adult Jackie’s anger gradually diminished each time she internally confronted her parents and rescued the Inner Child. Externally, her father had already died. She finished her grief work by speaking out loud the many unspoken thoughts that were caught in her throat. She came to a sense of peace and was able to let it all go.
Jackie decided she would like to say something to her still living mother who consistently ignored her and treated her as a maid. I taught her Non-Violent Communication. She wrote a letter, which we reviewed together. She sent it to her mother knowing that she would very likely not be heard, as usual. A letter came back that said, “Let’s not fight.” Jackie worked on all the ways that she ignores herself.
Jackie reported dealing with her marriage, work and life well. So, I asked “What will create happiness for you?” The question stunned her. Happiness was something she had believed she would never be allowed to have. In the next few months, she decided to change her profession and her hobbies. All these changes had challenged her husband strongly. He began seeing his own therapist and growing. The relationship found a new balance. Jackie stopped therapy because she has many skills to deal with her life. She calls me whenever she needs another skill or simply to reassure her how far she has come.